BMW: the mediocre driving machine

My wild sister Sally* drives BMW, or she doesn't drive.

She's been that way since college. As soon as she could get out from under Mom and Dad, she decided she wanted one, and it set her to work to buy one. I can't fault her for that.

She cut back her class load in her second semester to-don't laugh-sell multilevel marketing products. The reason she made a lot of money where 99% percent of people don't, was that she understood the scam for what it was, almost instinctively, and she had no intention of actually selling either the product itself (at which you can make a little profit, but not very much, and only with a lot of work and rejection-like any other ass-busting sales job) or The Plan (which is a sucker bet.) Instead she set to doing what "the big pins"-MLMese for "the big swinging dicks"-were doing and she did it right under their noses. She hired a couple of software geeks to write an application that would automate a database of contacts, and a second linked one to keep track of inventory, sales tax, and a couple of things called 'points volume' and 'business volume'. Under the rules, she could only sell this through the organization if she got permission from the MLM company. She figured they were not going to let her do that, so she started a shell company and made me the head. Instead, she offered her services as a consultant, which did not come under the agreement, and sold basically one product.

Mine.

Hers.

In a year, she had made enough money to pay her tuition for all four years and buy a off-lease BMW.

Being a car nut, I had some familiarity with BMW. My father called them, and still does, "Bowel Movement Watery". I thought they were overpriced and unnecessarily overengineered but okay driving cars, expensive to maintain. I still do.

When Sally finally graduated, she went overseas for six months. I had use of her then current BMW, a 5 series. It was okay-not great, okay. Better than stock American cars but not particularly fun, and not particularly an attention getter-at least not the kind of attention I wanted.

I just don't think BMW is worth the money. Not to buy, not to maintain.

Sal really likes the tool kit. She thinks it's great that they come with a tool kit, unlike American or Japanese cars. What I can't get across to her is that the tools are a joke. For what a BMW costs, you should get a full set of Snap-Ons, not a plastic tray of cheap spanners, reversible screwdrivers and stamped sheet steel plug wrenches.

Of course, she doesn't do any work on her cars, so she thinks these tools are impressive.

Nevertheless, the key here is that she can afford to drive BMWs and to have them worked on. I can't. I couldn't if I wanted to. So who's smarter?